Election Week: This is for the Women

(Tell 'em, girls.)

This week has been hard. I'm exhausted and it's been a blur of anxiety, confusion, misery, alcohol, coffee, and trying not to be alone. At 28, this is the first time in my life I’ve experienced despair and helplessness on such a prolific scale. I haven’t processed all of my feelings yet, and I doubt I’ll sort them out completely anytime soon so I’m taking this one step at a time—the first being what this week has been like for me personally as a woman.

I didn’t cry on election night until I tried to explain to the person with me how scared I was for my own body. Since that night, each day has found a new way to challenge my efforts to stay resolute in my conviction to resist fear, negativity, and disillusionment about the future of equality in my country.

About me: I’m a bit weird with people, the easiest way to explain being that I'm the human equivalent of a cat—extremely fickle and often elusive, mainly because I’m frequently anxious. So because I’m weird about people, I'm often surprised when other people aren’t. Between that and the fact that the majority of my friends have always been dudes, the number of women in my life this week who reached out to me in support and to check in has blown me away. It has given me the strength I was struggling to find on my own to soldier on in the wake of this nightmare.

Okay, case in point. Last night I went with two girlfriends to a fundraiser for an organization that provides counseling and support for mental illness. The program included stand-up comedy. I hate this next part so I’m going to outline it very matter-of-factly: one male comedian joked about girls being “slutty” in their online dating profiles which evolved into a misogynistic joke I didn’t hear the end of because we left the room, and the next performer, a woman, opened with a joke that centered around the fact that “bitches always get raped” in nature.

I am not, in this piece, going to explain why that is unspeakably upsetting and problematic, or the implications of the fact that some people were laughing along, because I am trusting that you understand.* I share this repugnant circumstance to provide context for what happened next.

My girlfriends and I looked at each other without speaking, and together we walked out. I found the organizer and explained to him with all the composure I had left how truly inappropriate and irresponsible it is to be negligent at a charity event whose very subject suggests a safe space, especially in the climate following this week’s election results. He responded in the only way that would've been remotely appropriate, which was to apologize profusely and sincerely for not having screened the performers’ subject matter in advance, and thank us for helping them be more conscientious and careful in the future. I started to fall apart at the end of my condemnation, at which point I excused myself brusquely and went outside, and cried. I leaned against a building, on a very public sidewalk, in an evening dress, and cried. For the millionth time this week. For how fucked up the world is right now, and for how that first time I cried on election day out of fear for my body is apparently justified.

And then a really miraculous thing happened. The two women with me were so calm—definitely not okay, but 100% controlled—and straightforward about what we were dealing with in that moment, that we broke our situation down in a matter of minutes: We reflected on how fucked up it was; we picked a restaurant down the street; we agreed that it was a good thing that we took a stand for ourselves and were able to educate even one person about one issue; and then we picked ourselves up and spent an hour in a burger lounge in little black dresses bonding over the tough experiences in our lives and how to move forward together as women. It ended up being one of the best nights we’d all had in awhile.

So: one thing this election has taught me (there are many things) is that women are extraordinary. I believed that already, being one myself and having been fortunate enough to be surrounded by strong, brilliant women my whole life, but until this week I had never experienced such a vast number of women collectively affected on such a personal level.

What I have seen over this past week is awe-inspiring. The staggering wave of female empowerment and excitement on election day. The way on Wednesday morning that women looked at each other, understanding, without having to say a thing. The unabashed openness with which women have been pouring their hearts out online to everyone about what they’ve endured throughout their lives and how this all makes them feel. The way women have been reassuring and supporting each other.

And, most heartening and overwhelming of all, how they have decided to fight.

To women everywhere:

I am so proud of us.

I am so proud to be a woman.

I am so proud of how strong and resilient you all are.

I am so thankful to be surrounded and supported by you.

To quote Aubrey last night, in something that will stay with me forever:

It’s a long fight, and I’m looking forward to it.

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*If you don't understand the reason this whole situation was horrific for us, feel free to message me and we can have a nice, long discussion.